Unplug Your Self

Food for Thought #13 - The rings that bind us. What is a relationship?

January 17, 2020

So I just finished watching Marriage Story (https://www.netflix.com/title/80223779) on Netflix. It’s a great take on the break down of marriage and the flow on effects. The ways in which a divorce will typically unfold. The impact to your children. The emotions from the beginning, during the fall out and post divorce. It is incredibly made and resonates so close to my heart. It spoke the words I did not say to my ex wife and it absolutely had my heart when it comes to the father in the breakdown of family.

I have been on a relationships kick of recent however. Marriage Story was just another perspective to add to the heap. Just prior to this, I was watching the Kevin Hart doco, Dont F**k this Up (https://www.netflix.com/title/81010817). In this he talks about relationships with his father and the management of a bond with another person. That it is something you have to work on. That you can have relationships, but the work really happens when you create that bond and do the maintenance/work to keep it. I myself lack a bond with my parents. Or so I think. I love them. I think of them. But I do very little to keep in contact. To maintain ties with them. So much so that I live on the other side of the planet from them. I have the excuse of timezones and expensive flights and commitments which take my time up. Is this a good thing? A bad thing? I am not sure. The bad side of it is represented in my insecurities with my own children. That they don’t have a real relationship with me. Cause I am Disneyland dad and not the full time parent.

Ironically I do not call them all the time. I do when I want to talk to them, but it is not all the time. But I work with them as much as I can. I get deep with them. I talk to them on both my and their level and I hide very little from them. So much so that I had a moment where I was nervous to talk to my eldest son about the concept of our relationship and our bond. We were both watching the Kevin Hart thing together and it sort of got me thinking and I wanted to ask him what he thought of our relationship. So one night when I was driving him home from water polo I built up the courage to ask him. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was happy none the less. Primarily because my son felt he could speak to me and tell me his truth.

So what is a bond? Is it the definition of a long lasting relationship? I think it is. I am quite selective with those who I choose to focus on. Those who get time from me. There is a reciprocation that exists between myself and the human in my sights. I invest and seek to know that person at a deeper level. I go beyond them and into what they are and ask them the hard questions. I look to share and understand their interests. Even if it is simply give them shit about it. But it’s the work that matters. Something we all have to stop and do.

So get out there humans. Look at the people close to you. Dig deep into that relationship and work on those bonds. Because at the end of the day, it’s a fundamental part about our makeup to have relationships and bonds with others so we can share and love and feel loved.

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Just remember, by leveraging your self awareness, managing your mindset, having mindfulness and building your emotional intelligence you can unlock your negativity and be the person you want to be!

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